Too mad for comfort.

Will you all come to the meeting room in five minutes?  Thank you I release my finger and the microphone clicks off.  I lean back in my chair and stare at the dead computer screen in front of me.  I wake up and look around, noticing the dark grey walls and look up to the light, checking that Ive forgotten to put on the light again.  I shrug for the invisible audience, try to smile at myself, but there is no mirror and its wasted. 

I think about nipping to the loo before the meeting, but Ive only had toast for breakfast, and its pointless.  I should have bought some chocolate when I was at the gas station, but its too late now, dry toast will stick and Ill end up crying,  my make up running.  Not the image the employees should have of their boss this morning. 

I take a sip of coffee and its cold.  There is a white layer of congealed milk on top, and I hope its only from yesterday.  I grab my pad of paper and look for a pen, and waste ten minutes before I give up because I wont be writing anything in the meeting. 

I shut the wooden door to the office hearing it click shut.  Have you seen Harry?  I ask a passing body.  No, guess hes late again, whats this meeting about  My eyes have fixed on the teeth grinding chewing gum and I say oh, best wait to the grazing cow. 

The meeting room is light and airy and I go to the top desk, carefully discarding my pad across its top while still standing.  I look out at people, they are milling over by the windows, touching the plants in the hope that something living will rub off.  But their plastic, and the skin oil makes them gleam under the florescent lights. 

I look out the door in the hope that the boss will come in.  I must have been standing like that for a while because people are looking at me.  And I hurry to cover up my loss of thoughts.  Ok, wed best get started. 

They all come and sit down in front of me.  I have the desperate urge to sit on a desk and swing my legs.  But I remain standing as do Jane and Jo.  But their safe standing over by the door.  I make eyes to them, begging them to going me.  But they must have seen tens of meetings like this, those old biddies, and their not about to help me out.  I was young when I joined this business, and their grey hair was only a little less shine.  I was energetic, full of ideas, and the owner liked me.  I didnt notice them just plodding along, not working at it.  And now, I stood up in front of these people, I was responsible because Id worked for the responsibility.  Having heard those thoughts I took a step forward and the talking died.

So, some of yous might know why were here? my voice raised even thought I didnt want anyone to answer.  I know some might have noticed that Mr Lyse has not been here that often.   He has decided that he can no longer manage the business for health reasonshis medicine is not working.  I watch them all pass side long glances at each other.  The old tea servers arent even paying attention and I image them discussing where their going for holiday on the bankrupt payment.  Jo, Jo, can you come here, Ive forgotten to do something, take over the meeting and tell them the details I reach out my arm to pull her to the front.  She looks startled, but I dont care. 

In my office I reach for the door, pulling it out already searching for the packet.  Damn how could I forget?  That was this whole problem, forgetting.  I press in the top hat and pop the pill in my mouth.  I swallow it easily.  Its never a bother, taking the pill.  Its letting it work thats hard.  But tomorrow at least Ill be at home for this.